Teaching gives you a lot of opportunities to look back and wish you'd done it differently.
The kid you just couldn’t reach. The parent situation where you embarrassed yourself. The colleague you disappointed. The boundary you should have held but didn't..
And the end of the school year is when those regrets can weigh the heaviest.
So, the newest episode of my Truth for Teachers podcast is about what to actually do with those regrets.
I dug into Daniel Pink's book The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, pulled out what's most useful for educators, and applied his research findings to the context of school.
Here are some of my takeaways.
Regret is information, not a verdict.
Pink's research found that regret almost always falls into one of four categories, and each one is telling you something specific:
Foundation regrets sound like, "if only I'd done the work." These are about the long, slow stuff you've been neglecting, whether that's your health, your finances, your relationships, or the planning and preparation that would have made this year go more smoothly. You can start rebuilding now, even imperfectly.
Boldness regrets sound like, "if only I'd taken that risk." These are the moments you played it safe when something in you wanted to leap. The job you didn't apply for, the new approach you didn't try in your classroom, the conversation you didn't have. The solution is to act, even in a small way.
Moral regrets sound like, "if only I'd done the right thing." These come from the choices that didn't match your values, the times you stayed quiet when you should have spoken, or went along when you knew better. You can't redo those moments, but you can decide who you want to be the next time one shows up.
Connection regrets sound like, "if only I'd reached out." These are about the people who used to matter to you and somehow don't anymore, the friendships that drifted, the relatives you've meant to call, the student you wanted to build a stronger relationship with. The solution is to be the one who makes the first move.
The thing you regret is the thing you value.
That kid who's still on your mind even once the school year is over? The reason you keep thinking about what you could have done differently is because you care about kids, deeply, and that one slipped through the cracks. Your regret is evidence of your values, not evidence of your failure.
You can't undo the past, but you can stop letting it run on a loop.
Pink offers a three-step process for processing a regret instead of just ruminating on it. I go deep on this in the podcast episode, but here's the short version:
Step 1: Talk about it. Tell a trusted friend, write it in a journal, get it out of your head. Disclosure (even just to a journal nobody reads) lowers blood pressure, improves coping, and frees up the mental real estate you've been using to hold the regret in.
Step 2: Treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend. If a colleague came to you with this same regret, would you tear them apart? Probably not. You'd be kind. You'd tell them they're human. So owe yourself the same thing.
Step 3: Zoom out. Instead of swimming around in the murky feelings, get above the water. What does this regret reveal about what you value? What would you tell a friend in your shoes? What will the version of you ten years from now wish you had done? That distance is where the actual learning happens.
If any of this resonates and you want the full episode, it's called The Power of Regret: what teachers can learn from Daniel Pink's research.
Remember: your regrets from this school year aren't proof you've failed. They're an arrow pointing straight to your values and what you care about. Let those “should haves” guide what you toward what’s next.
Angela
P.S. If you want to dig deeper into how you think about yourself and your teaching, you might enjoy my book Awakened: Change Your Mindset to Transform Your Teaching.The second edition is out now, and it's great one to read over the summer, when you have a little space to actually do the inner work without the pressure of the school day on top of you. You can find it wherever books are sold.
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Angela Watson
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P.O. Box 175, Bushkill, PA 18324
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